Want to see my front door? Here it is.
It is the first front door I have had that I get to choose who comes in and who comes out. I have had other front doors, but this is the first one that has been soley my own.
I have quite a story to tell on how I got here. If you want to listen, grab a chair and maybe a snack.
I was 12 when I moved with my parents to the farm. I worked that farm with my Dad till I was about 16, and from 16 to 18 I helped my Godfather work his gigantic dairy farm. That’s where I got my work ethic. A good one if I do say so myself. My Godfather had to share my time with my other passions…my sports. I played defensive lineman on The Campbellsport Cougars football team and wrestled throughout high school. I left school prior to graduating in my senior year in order to get a job to financially help support my family. I worked at Red Lobster in Fond Du Lac. After 2 years there (dead end job with no growth) I went to work at Metal Spinners factory where I worked as a hydraulic assistant. I was there for about 5 years. While the pay was great for my family, the schedule of 16 hour days was too much to keep up, I went back to restaurant work and did that for another 4 or 5 years, but my family needed more money and I went back to the factory and did that until they closed in 2000. From 2000 to 2016 I continued to work hard to provide for my parents and myself with the longest being 9 years at WalMart.
In 2013 my mom passed, and my dad followed her in 2016. My life drastically changed then. Prior to this I was a helper to my parents and our lifestyle, now everything shifted for me to take care of. The house, the farm, our machinery, myself…. everything. My mental health was resilient but not made of steel. I was in and out of Mental Health Facilities over the next 6 years, with full commitment 8 times. I did get better, I needed to get better, Chaudry and Karen were instrumental in me getting better. They helped me get a handle on my psychiatric issues and my overall health, who knew hearts needed you to breathe at night? I left the mental health facility for the final time without realizing it was the final time, but just as all the other times before I was hopeful it was. We sold the farm and I went and lived with my aunt. She did what she could but was very controlling. She was instrumental in getting me the help I needed to succeed further in life. She got me Lakeland, work at Brooke and helped me rebuild my basic skill sets. I appreciated everything she did, but I needed to live my own life. I needed to get back to living my life, not an extension of someone else’s. I couldn’t do it on my own. I knew that, but I also knew I could do it with help. I met with Lakeland to talk about this; they helped me fill out applications for apartments and introduced me to CLC.
I met Amber and Nicole first. I remember sitting at the table with them in my aunt’s kitchen, being asked 3,000 annoying questions and for the first time I saw my aunt being quiet because Amber kept making ME talk. As I said, it was annoying because I was shy, but it brought me out of my element. Nicole was so encouraging and helped me find my voice during the assessment. Carla and Cassidy from Lakeland had their input too as I wasn’t sure what could actually be accomplished or even what I wanted in that moment, I only knew I wanted out and on my own. I was happy when they said they could help. I was nervous and scared and didn’t want to fail and lose everything again. But I did it. I got the call my apartment was ready, and Lakeland told CLC and everything took off from there.
I remember the day I moved in, my aunt was insistent on staying with through the whole process. Amber and Ginger were as well Amber got my aunt to leave for a little bit and we unpacked, I was very emotional while my aunt was here and started to relax when she left. We got a lot of my stuff sorted and Ginger and I went shopping,…where my aunt found us… she did eventually leave and I was able to focus on my new life and get to know my new staff, and most importantly myself.
When CLC first started with me they were with me several times a day to help me with taking my medicine, cleaning, meal prep, personal cares, and being ok being alone. As we got to know eachother they started helping me with other things that aren’t necessarily on a care plan because I needed it. Things like learning to respect myself and others. Not to judge people by how they look, not to see women as objects, how to speak respectfully to others and basically to stop saying stupid shit. My plan changed without meetings and without big productions because sometimes I just needed something different and CLC was there to help me. We did have the meetings tho and they weren’t always good, but they were always honest and productive. I was held accountable. It was weird to be held accountable because that meant that I could do better, that I should have higher standards for myself. I have those voices in my head now (not in the psychiatric way ) holding me to a higher standard, and I want to keep on improving.
Each of these meetings my plan formally changed. The help I needed got to be less and less and I was adulting more and more. With each gain I had, my confidence grew. CLC (Ginger and Amber….lets be honest) kept me accountable and encouraged me to be honest with myself. I got to a point where I am now and am fully capable of doing all the adult things but still, I was struggling. I was making up stories about how I was spending my time and I wasn’t honest with those around me. I still want more out of my life, but I was scared to do the things I needed to do in order to achieve those goals. It was easier to lie and say I did. I pretended to be an EMT. There was a meeting, because of course there was a meeting….and at that meeting I was forced to be honest with myself and my team about why I was telling these stories. The truth came out. I don’t need help with cooking and cleaning and taking my pills….I can be a productive independent adult, but I still couldn’t be myself. I was still too scared. I never earned my high school diploma, so I was never able to pursuit my dream of becoming an EMT.
I worked my ass of to become independent, I was held accountable and to a higher standard to become a better human, one someone wanted to be around, but I still hadn’t learned it was ok to be myself. I didn’t believe I could earn my GED. With some encouragement from Amber I decided to pursuit that, to accomplish my dreams. I want to prove to myself I can do it. Ginger found me a program through Advocap to get it done. I am now working my ass off to accomplish my dreams. I can focus on my dreams now because I am no longer just trying to survive.
I will be and EMT one day.
I want to take a moment and this offered platform to thank all the people who have helped me out:
THANK YOU TO
Mia B, Ginger, Amanda, Jeremy, Airean, Amber and Karen at the healthcare center and Chaudry.
